sometimes I find myself doing some ‘right’ things but not really connecting. I do this with people. My natural introvert likes people, but likes to keep them at a distance. Then sometimes I really like someone and I tend to smother them.
wow, I know this is truth, but I hate writing it.
i also find myself facebooking God. I do all the things to ‘like’ Him. I read devotionals, my Bible, listen to christian music, read christian books (and underline), yet I don’t connect. And despite all the right things, I grow weary. It may take longer than when I am not doing those things, but I end up weary. ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that is not God is a sorry stand in for God.
as I drove in this morning, I cried out.
Jesus, i am once again at that place. I am lonely. I am hurt. I am making plans for the next step without your clear signal that it is time to do so. I am dying for more. I want people to like me. I am worried. I am impatient. I feel like you are taking so long; Ron, Hannah, my family, my next step, Amanda.
and you know why I find myself here AGAIN? because I am facebooking good. I am liking Him. I am supporting Him. But I find myself not connecting. Not connecting to that deep place. My prayers turn into lists and worries. Suggestions on how He could do better. They are not quiet times to close my mouth and wait on Him.
so, Jesus, i don’t want to be your facebook and texting friend. i want so much more. and i know the only barrier to that is me.