I have wanted to write for weeks. Each time I begin to formulate what I want to say in my mind, it seems so incomplete that I stop. Wait for the ideas to materialize into a cohesive entry. As you can see, the wait has been a while. Maybe I just need to dive in…
I finished radiation treatment on Friday, August 22. It took until Monday, September 1 for me to cry. Crying can be cleansing. Can allow you to start anew. I feel that is where I am now, starting anew.
What did I learn? There are easy lessons. Show up. That was a big one for me. I often look at what I have to offer and it seems so little. So, I don’t. This experience taught me to show up. When people need me, when they need help even when they won’t ask, show up for them. So many people showed up for me. They loved me with their kind words, their prayers, cards…I was blessed by a community and a family I sometimes think I don’t have. Everyone was wonderful. It is my turn now.
Just as it is taking time for my skin to heal, it is taking time for the lessons to reveal themselves.
I have felt as though I needed to run away at times. Need time to myself. Be away from concerned eyes. I get to take that trip tomorrow. Just an overnight. But, it is to see Women of Faith. I am going alone. I have been looking forward to it all week. I keep imagining it as a date with Jesus. Time to be with Him. Let Him do His work. I haven’t been to Women of Faith for years and years, so I am looking forward to seeing the ladies and sitting under the blessings of their teaching.
Can I just say, in the event you are feeling otherwise right now….God shows up. He does. It may not be in our timing. It may feel like He has forgotten or doesn’t see. But during this hectic week of trying to adjust to being back in the office, learning a new routine, keeping my health in perspective, being there for Hannah as she navigates this new school year, He has shown up. He has comforted my soul. He has given me rest when I was threatening to stay up all night to worry. And, the Holy Spirit has been revealing how He has been with me every step of the way.
Sometimes the hardest thing is to sit and rest. I ALWAYS have a hard time with that. But God has been blessing those small breaks I take to breath Him in.
Thank you Jesus.