if you are not careful, you will let little annoyances not only change your feelings toward someone, but they will steal your joy and take your eyes off of Jesus.
we have an annoying situation, someone is not stepping up, doing their part. Not acting like the adult they are. Their actions or lack there of resulting in our family paying their part.
when these situations arise, I find myself fixated on it. Wanting to clarify my position over and over. Wanting to show ‘that person’ how wrong they are.
The Holy Spirit convicted me today. What is more important in life? Money, things? No, relationship. By holding on to this annoyance, I am shutting off relationship. I am shutting off potential in the future. I am not reflecting Jesus’ character. He was often cheated. People treated Him horribly and He was blameless. I cannot ever say that I am blameless when dealing with others.
This doesn’t mean that I have to be a floor mat. I firmly believe there are relationships that are not healthy; for me or for the other person. There are definitely times when you need to step away and say, “I want nothing but good things for you. I am always praying for you. But, we cannot be in relationship with one another. It isn’t good for either of us.”
I also firmly believe I am not made to or expected to pay the consequences for others actions. People make decisions in life. There are natural consequences to those decisions, good and bad. I am not to make myself or my family pay for others decisions. Once again, I am to pray for them. But I don’t have to carry their burden or make everything okay for them.
Part of me always snipped at myself. “If you were really a Christian….”. “If you really loved…”. “If you were less proud…”. I fight these thoughts everyday. Because I don’t want to hurt others. I don’t like conflict. But at the same time, I MUST do what is right for me. I MUST stand by my convictions. BUT, I also MUST do this through LOVE and not anger. NOT pointing my finger at someone and pointing out their faults, how they are wrong, how they have hurt me and/or let me down.
There is a constant tension in me over these things. I am strong-willed. I am stubborn. And I have to be careful everyday to ask Jesus to give me His heart. For the Holy Spirit to fix my eyes on what Jesus would want me to do and think, instead of what comes natural for me. What comes natural is not loving.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Over the past several weeks, this verse has been running over and over in my mind. What do I let my mind, my eyes engage in. What do I watch? Listen to? Talk about? Do? Think about? Are these things “true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, praise worthy”?
Sadly, often times they are not. But I seek Jesus, because I want them to be.
Forgive me Father for allowing annoyances to become barriers. Teach me to let them go. To let you in. To stop trying to do, prove, talk about and instead give you room to move. Relationship is most important. Love is what I am called to do. Not prove.