moment by moment

for two years the words that have been continually spoken to me are “relax”, “rest”, “stop striving”. These words are difficult for me to process. Doing equals accomplishment. Accomplishment provides me with value.

my brain, it swirls and sputters at all times. I don’t know how to quiet the voices. Would I know myself if they were gone?

in my seeking, I feel as though it isn’t about relaxing and resting for me. It isn’t about stopping something. But it is about giving up my perceived control minute by minute.

walk closely.
listen intently.
ask for direction.
wait for the answer.
listen.
obey.

when my walk becomes moment by moment, then rest will come. I will stop believing that it is something I can do or that the answers come from me.

my natural inclination is to jump. do. fix. figure out. reason.

my dying to self, at least in this instance, is to wait.

why is it so difficult for me to remember that I can trust Him. That He knows me better than I know myself. I don’t have to make my way. He goes before me. He leads. I follow.

thank you Jesus.

About Teresa Neal

I am a Jesus girl. I have been redeemed by his blood and his love. I am also a wife, mother, daughter, aunt, sister, employee, friend, searcher, grace receiver, mercy needer and stumbler. I am fully in love with our God. I cannot do anything without him, although I try all too often.

I write about the things Jesus is doing in my life, about what the Holy Spirit whispers to my soul, my struggles with depression, anxiety and OCD, and sometimes my family.

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