But from there you will see the Lord your God and you will find Him,
if you search after Him with all your heart and with all your soul. Deuteronomy 4:29
I have spent the last few years recovering. Certain events in my life stripped away any facade I may have been able to live behind. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I didn’t feel there was any use.
Through months of prayer, reading, counseling, learning and relearning, I know I am better. God has healed places in my heart, mind and soul that have been broken, festering and bleeding for years. There is more ahead. More to learn, more to put into practice, I know I will never be ‘fixed’ on this side of Heaven. I am alright with that.
One of the steps to my recovery was to learn my identity in Christ. Who does Jesus say I am. Those words have blessed me. But, when you are like me, everytime I start to accept who I am through Christ, the enemy of my soul steps in to try to steal this from me.
I am currently working on two studies through Lent, “Holey, Wholly, Holy” by Kris Camealy and “Love Idol” by Jennifer Dukes Lee. God knows what He is doing when He brings things into your life. They are exactly what I need right now.
But last night in group, we were listening to Priscilla Shirer speak about the Holy Spirit in “Discerning the Voice of God”. During this time she started to list who we find God is in each book of the Bible. Listening to her descriptions was overwhelming. I realized, I don’t know that God. Now, I know some of it, but not all of it.
That is when a still, small voice in my spirit whispered, “Get to know me. Then you will know who you are.”
Oh our wonderful God. I will always run in circles if I am trying to know me. But, when I really know Him; deeply, intimately, completely; then I will know what my anchor is. I will begin to feel and know the person who loved me so much and saw so much value in me that He would die for me. What does that tell me about ME!?!
So, I am going to stop trying to figure out who I am (with God’s help of course) and instead learn all about Him and His character. Through Him, I will find me.
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You,
All whose thoughts are fixed on You! Isaiah 26:3